Travel

London to Glasgow by Foot (Hopefully)

Yes, you read that correctly. I plan to walk from London to Glasgow. Whether or not I will make it that far, only time will tell.

The journey which starts at my home in north London and ends at whatever google maps dictates to be Glasgow is roughly 380 miles and would take around 5 days to walk. If you did so without stopping, anyway.

I am not that hardcore I’m afraid. My plan is to average at roughly 10 miles a day. This means I will run skip and fart my way to the merry old land of tartan and deep fried pizza in about 38 days. If all goes to plan.

Why?

You’re probably wondering why on Earth anybody would want to walk 380 miles. If I’m honest I don’t have an answer more substantial than I felt like it.

Since I was a mental little kid running around a council estate I’ve been fascinated with the wild and exploration. It’s often been a romanticised fantasy to just pack up a bag and walk to a distant land while living like a post apocalyptic nomad.

While I was recently travelling in India the virus which shall not be named broke out and shagged the world like Austin Powers on viagra.

This resulted in a 40-odd day lockdown while waiting for a repatriation flight from our lovely government — who are about as reliable as a chocolate teapot.

While stranded in India I couldn’t help noticing how the current global pandemic isn’t far off from resembling some sort of walking dead end of times and that it is probably the perfect time to live out my childhood fantasy.

It also provides me with a great opportunity to test myself to the limits.

The Plan

In all honesty there isn’t really all that much of a plan in place. The extent of my planning (or lack of) stretches to pack a bag and walk.

During this ever so amazingly planned stroll I intend to pop into friends to stay and wash etc. Although, with that being said, I only have really arranged places to stay in Northampton and Birmingham.

Throughout the rest of the journey I plan to camp out in my tiny little one man tent. Or, if I feel like I need to, get a room for a night. That really depends on where I am and how desperate I am, though.

Where possible I intend to use campsites — they have toilets and showers — however, this isn’t going to be entirely possible.

That being said, I will be utilising the glorious provider known as Mother Nature and wild camping for the rest of the time.

Considerations

There are obviously many things which I need to consider while on this hike. The main ones being water, food and shelter. In that order.

That in consideration, the plan is to follow rivers and streams as much as possible and stock up on rice and dal as, and when, I need to.

In my bag I have packed food which should last a few days. If I am honest I am regretting doing so as I sit here with shoulders that feel like they currently have a pickup truck on them.

Thankfully the UK’s wildlife is about as dangerous as stuffed panda so I do not have to worry about being mauled by a bear or tiger.

However, I do need to be mindful of animals such as cows and horses. Ain’t nobody got time for being crushed by a horse.

Day 1 — 12.4 miles covered

Before I sign off for the night I figure it would be good to give an update of how the first day went.

In a word… exhausting. My bag is a hell of a lot heavier than planned and the day sack is extremely cumbersome.

I have walked through Radlett and Frogmore to end up in St Albans. Currently I’m sitting outside my tent and, if I am honest, wondering if I have bit off more than I can chew.

My shoulders are bruised from the weight of the two bags, my calf’s feel tighter than a gnats arsehole and my back is in clip.

To add insult to injury I’ve realised that the single one man backpacking tent I am using doesn’t pitch all too well. Hey ho, what can you do?

Along the route today, I nearly got myself raped by a gang of horses. One of which had its wazza out and ready for action.

I was simply trying to pass through a gate and they surrounded me. Obviously, no one wants to mess with a horse that has its dick out. So I had to wait behind a wooden gate until they moved away and let me through.

The total distance covered today (as per my phone) is 12.4 miles, and it took me roughly 4.5 hours.

I took a very slow pace and stopped a couple times. That is good going and I plan to walk for 6 hours a day when in full swing.

That means I should be able to meet my target of getting to Glasgow in 1.5 months.

However, I am mindful of the fact that this could prove to be a bit too ambitious.

If so, I will have to throw in the towel and ask my dear sister to collect me from wherever I am at the time.

At the end of the day this is a test and an experiment. If it feels like I am putting myself in danger at any point then I have to be responsible, I guess.

Right now my plan is to get to my friends house in Northampton and then see how I feel. Hopefully the aches and pains are gone in the morning.

Shanti aur kushi — Peace and happiness